At David Jones, we have the Magic Cave. This is where kids come to meet Santa, go on rides, eat a shitload of popcorn and fairy floss, then throw a tantrum. It’s a wonderful place and I’m incredibly glad that I don’t work in there.
The Magic Cave is advertised with a picture of a bunch of animals with Santa. They’re your usual bunch of creatures – a deer, a polar bear, an arctic fox, and a fairy (which isn’t an animal, I guess). And then there’s this guy:
On first look, you think ‘okay, yeah, that’s a seal’. And then you look at its legs. SEALS DON’T HAVE LEGS! I don’t know what the story is with this bastard creature, but it’s terribly disturbing. It’s a seal, but with the legs of some sort of sea bird. The fact that it’s also wearing a miner’s hat is also strange, but it’s the legs I’m most concerned about. Why are David Jones advertising a friendly childrens’ Christmas attraction with the result of bizarre genetic experiments? WHY?