half goon half god

Boy Throws Sausage, Might Go To Jail

In Uncategorized on August 23, 2007 at 5:25 pm

Enough cocks, let’s talk sausages!


A 12-YEAR-OLD British boy appeared in court charged with assault for throwing a sausage at a pensioner, police said.

The boy’s mother described the decision to charge her son as “an absolute joke”, although police said they had no choice.

The youth, who can’t be named, was arrested after a 74-year-old man reported him to police for throwing a stone in Manchester, northern England.

The object turned out to be a cocktail sausage.

“Charging was the only option because the boy had previously been issued with three reprimands on separate occasions,” a Greater Manchester Police spokeswoman said.

Police and prosecutors have launched a joint review of the case after a judge at Manchester Youth Court reportedly urged them to reconsider.

“If he has done what was suggested it is very bad behaviour,” District Judge Tim Devas was reported as saying in the Manchester Evening News.

“But is it in the public interest to prosecute a 12-year-old boy who threw a sausage?”

The boy’s mother said her son was worried he might be sent to prison.

(from news.com.au)

“So… What are you in for?”

“I killed a man with my bare hands in front of a copper. What about you?”

“erm… I threw a sausage at an old man…”

I propose a ban on all processed meat to stop this kind of violence in our streets. If we let it continue, nobody will be safe from spam bandits, sausage-link stranglers, or the threat of finding your car plastered with that weird meat that’s dyed to look like a smiley face.

There’s also the threat of it escalating into gourmet attacks, with young hooligans clobbering people over the head with 2 foot sticks of Hungarian blue ribbon salami, and their homes being ransacked by thieves wielding legs of champagne ham.

The message is simple:


  1. how do you think i got the name sausage boy? Its not some fun psudonym, its my gang name.

    I killed a man with a sausage when I was only 13, and I made it into the baddest gang in the getto hell hole of Port Noarlunga South.

    Now I’m goin straight, though, like Fitty Cent, using my music to teach the kids. What turned me was when I was shot 12 times by men with salamis. Screeching tires and the smell of tangy herbs in meat still cause me to flinch.

  2. Apparently the recipent of the sausage thought it was a stone. I blame the manufacturers! 😛

  3. Um… plz stop defaming my good usages.


    halfgoon: urm… what?

    edit: nevermind, just kahn. nothing to see here, folks

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