half goon half god

Sweets Review – Part One

In Uncategorized on March 1, 2007 at 3:03 pm

This is Part One of my Sweets Review. It’s unnamed because I can’t think of a good name for it. So ‘Sweets Review’ will have to do. In this part, I’ll focus on the sugary stuff I found. Part Two will focus on the chocolates.

All products reviewed were obtained from

Chocolates On Parade
Shop 10 Norwood Mall
The Parade, Norwood SA

(Yes, I paid for them. This is not an advertisement! But it is a very good store.)

First up – Scottish Soft Rock. It looks like regular Blackpool Rock, but it’s smaller, pinker, and doesn’t have writing through it. It also doesn’t hail from Blackpool (hence the name). It doesn’t have a consistent shape, either. Though it’s tubular, the ends are irregular, and what look like air bubbles down one side.

It has quite a sweet smell. Floral, but with a hint of berry. Maybe a bit too sweet smelling, however.

Upon biting into the rock, I’m surprised. My understanding of soft rock was that it’s supposed to be of a chewy consistency, like a Redskin or a toffee, as opposed to the solid, tooth-breaking, boiled consistency of Blackpool rock. However, this rock is rather chalky, like a musk-stick. While it’s not unpleasant, it doesn’t feel right, for some reason. It dissolves in the mouth surprisingly quickly on account of the myriad air bubbles within, with very little effort. this also does not feel right.

Taste-wise, it’s definitely berry-flavoured. Not any specific berry, but very similar to mixed-berry yoghurt. However, it’s much too mild (though this may be due to the chalkiness). There’s some aftertaste, but dissipates within minutes. Again, while this isn’t unpleasant, it’s not incredible. About halfway through the stick, there is a noticeable sticky feeling in the mouth. I can tell you, this is definitely unpleasant.

My verdict? Well, it’s rather bland. Nothing about the Scottish Soft Rock really jumps out as a highlight. While it’s pleasant enough, you wouldn’t actually eat this for the taste, the novelty, or even for the mouth-feel (definitely not for the mouth-feel). I can’t be sure why it exists.


The Barratt Sherbet Fountain is a sadly overlooked treat nowadays. It’s such a simple concept – cardboard tube of sherbet, eaten with the help of a licorice stick. And there may be a good reason for this – It doesn’t always work. Opening my Sherbet Fountain, I find the licorice stick trapped in a hardened lump of sherbet, only able to be freed with much squeezing of the cardboard. Sugar consumption shouldn’t be this difficult.

The other problem is that licorice is not a reliable dipping tool. As it’s quite a soft substance, it bends when it hits the sherbet, instead of slicing through and catching a decent amount of the fizzy sugar. This is why Wizz-Fizz was so popular – the dipper was plastic, and hard enough to probe the sherbet.

Though I would like to be able to say I’m enjoying this Sherbet Fountain, I’m afraid I can’t. Why? Because there’s little payoff for the amount of work put in to catching the sherbet. The licorice is much too bendy to have any scooping power, only picking up a few particles on its tip. This bendiness only increases over time, as holding the licorice only serves to heat it up. Furthermore, the licorice flavour is much too strong and salty, effectively overpowering the delicate fizz of what little sherbet it delivers.

The sherbet, with its lemony fizz, leaves a freshness in the mouth, though it is negated by the earthy tones of the licorice.

Quite simply, the Barratt Sherbet Fountain is a good (or even great) concept, but poorly implemented. Licorice is not a good eating tool, and especially not in conjunction with sherbet. However, eating the licorice then the sherbet separately is a bit of fun.


Tizer. A drink that I’ve known about since I was three years old, but one which I’ve never tasted. According to the slogan on the can, it tastes red. It smells excruciatingly sweet, which can probably be explained by the sugar and sweetener that are both listed on the can.

It’s highly carbonated, much fizzier than Coca Cola or any sorts of soft drink we have here in Australia. I don’t usually feel the need to burp after drinking soft drink, but Tizer brings this feeling on after a few small sips.

How does it taste? Well, it tastes like sugar. There’s no real flavour to Tizer except for that of ‘sweet’. It could be said to be a tiny bit fruity, but whatever fruity taste there is, it’s overshadowed by the cloying stickiness of the sugar. It is actually making me feel nauseous, and I have a bit of a headache.

So, after waiting eighteen years for it, I can safely say that I never want to drink Tizer again. It’s like drinking carbonated cough syrup. Blech!


OK, that’s the sugary sweets done. I have a headache. Yuk. Chocolates on their way!

  1. “Definitely not for the mouth-feel” was my personal highlight.

    A satisfying review. I really felt like I was in your mouth.

    Toot toot! Train now leaving Wrongtown.

  2. i have never even heard of Tizer, but now i know that red ‘tastes’ like carbonated cough syrup.

    Thats my one thing for today learnt!

  3. Good morrow sir! Some helpful hints from your interferring Pom aquaintance 😛 Barrat’s Sherbert Dib Dabs are the thing! Instead of the floppy liquorice, you get a strawberry/cherryish flavoured lollypop to dip! Hardly any of the effort, but all the fun! Or try the liquorice tubes with the shebert centres if you don’t want too much sugar at once 😀

  4. In my British childhood the sherbet fountain used to work like this: The licorice stick is actually a drinking-straw-like hollow tube. You’d bite the end off the licorice and suck the sherbet through the tube. This made for a long-lasting but still intense experience of the sherbet – a small quantity could cover the tongue and spread throughout the whole mouth. If the sherbet was in good dry condition, you could vary the pleasure by squeezing the tube to blow the sherbet into your mouth, and possibly induce a coughing fit. I think this is why it was called a “fountain”. At that time – 40 years ago – this worked about half the time. Half of the remaining time it was possible to get the process going by unblocking the bottom end of the licorice tube and breaking up the slightly caked-up sherbet. Otherwise, you just took the paper off the cardboard tube and tipped the sherbet into your mouth, which was also a pleasant sensation.

    My recent attempts at using the licorice as a straw have always resulted in failure. I think the manufacturing process may have changed. As the tube has always been unreliable the makers can’t actually claim you can consume the sherbet in this way and may have given up any attempt at facilitating it.

    Whatever you did, the licorice was best eaten as a separate sweet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: